Hogwarts Fearful Fables
by Proudtobeapotterhead
Summary: Hogwarts Fearful Fables is a series of humorous one shots about the Marauders era. It features many bad fics. It features tales such as Peter and The Giant Peach. Read and I'll love you forever.
1. Peter and the Giant Peach

**A/N: Well hello there lovely people!  
So, this story is going to be a series of humorous one shots set in the Marauder era. The plots will be desperately bad. Don't worry I did that on purpose ;) Rated T because of later chapters.  
I'm really not sure how to explain the idea but please read! I will love you forever if you review! I would really, really like some feedback! :D Hope you enjoy!**

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**_Peter and the Giant Peach_**

Peter awoke with a feeling of intense discomfort all along his upper body. No. Wait. On his upper body. He slowly opened his eyes. He saw only pink. What was wrong with him? He could feel his eyes open. He attempted to push himself up onto his elbows but couldn't, he was pinned down somehow. Was he ill? He'd never heard of an illness that caused one to see only pink and be unable to move.  
Tears began to roll down Peter's cheeks. Was he going to die? Or stay forever, stuck paralysed and blind. This was just his luck. He closed his eyes.  
Peter stayed in his state of sorrow for about an hour. The sound of strong laughter took him away from his thoughts. It wasn't a laugh he knew, a at the very least knew well. Then, move voices joined in. More and more until the chorus of laughing voices was too much. He screamed and flailed his arms, kicking and screaming as loud as he could. And then it was over.  
A great weight was lifted from his chest, and he saw light again. Specifically the light from the great window in the great hall. His surrounding came into focus. A great throng of students with breakfasts in hand, surrounded him, pointing and laughing. James and Sirius stood at his side, carrying, rather bizarrely, a giant peach between them, huge grins on their faces. What happened? He looked to his friends, hoping for some kind of explanation of all these bizarre facts. The looks on James and Sirius' faces were pure mischievous glee. And it all made sense. It was them. They did this to him. And he would get revenge.  
He got up from his bed, parted the crowds and ran. He bolted himself into a cubicle in the bathroom nearest to the great hall. As it was Saturday, he had as much time as he desired.

After a few minutes of quite contemplation, he had an idea. It would be difficult of course, magic had never been a great strength of Peter's. He had always lived in the shadow of his friends. But that would end today. Oh yes, people would be talking about Peter for a very long time after this.

Peter was still in the bathroom. He had been there for a startling 3 hours, without eating. The normal Peter would've never been capable of that. He had a toile roll stood up on the cistern and was attempting to transfigure it. Beads of sweat were rolling down his forehead at this stage. He had been trying, without result for over an hour. It was very difficult, and, because of where he was, he had to use a non verbal spell. He couldn't risk someone overhearing his incriminating incantation and compromising the rest of his plan.  
Finally, it worked. Sitting in the cistern of the toilet was one very mean looking knife. He slid it into the waistband of his jeans with a satisfied grin.

He walked into Hogsmeade alone, as his friends, even after their betrayal, had left him on his own yet again. This was perfectly okay with Peter as he used the time to go over the plan in his head. He knew where he would find them, as it was a very cold day, they would no doubt be in The Three Broomsticks. He was totally correct.  
When he walked in, he quickly scanned the room and found them in a booth an the very back, in the shadows. Perfect  
He walked over to them with his usual nervous grin on his face. Remus beckoned him to sit on the seat next to him.  
"Mate, we started to think you were dead."  
"Hope more like," interjected Sirius.  
"The look on your face when you woke up!" started James. Peter didn't want to hear it.

He took the knife out of his jeans and with one quick slash, cut across the necks of both James and Sirius. The blood began to spurt out immediately. He knew he had hit the correct artery. Blood flew in all directions covering Peter and Remus and falling like a great river, soaking both boys t-shirts. Just it be sure he slit the neck of Remus as well. They didn't die immediately, Peter didn't want them to. He wanted them to suffer. He took one last look at his old friends, heads lolling onto their chests but still conscious.  
"You did this to yourselves"  
With high malicious laughter he left the tavern, and commenced his life on the road as a paid assassin.

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**A/N: Wow! I really didn't know what was going to happen there. Anyway, I hope you like it. Please take 5 seconds to review. I would love some feedback & if you do I'll love you forever.**


	2. Hogwarts Nightclub

**A/N: I think I may have terrified people with the last chapter. I'm sorry! I hope you like it if you're still here :)**

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**_Hogwarts Nightclub_**

Lily Evans was furious. James had forgotten to come on head duty again. This was ridiculous. He hardly ever turned up. She would have to talk to Dumbledore about stripping him of his Head Boy title.  
She sighed audibly and began the long shift alone. She hated to admit it but James Potter made the job fun and she (very secretly) enjoyed his company.  
She climbed the many flights of stairs and began on the top floor. It was boring work without anyone to talk to. She hummed to herself and occasionally transfigured pieces of rubbish on the ground into her signature lily.  
Time did not move quickly. There had been, quite strangely, no students out of bed, and so Lily had been walking around the corridors totally alone and without anything to do. This was hideously mundane and she found herself wishing someone would just break the rules.  
She got her wish alright.  
Her hideously boring evening continued until she got near to the kitchens. She began to hear shouts and music. She was silently thankful for something interesting. Her pace quickened as she got closer to the source of this musical disturbance.  
It began to get annoyingly loud as she got closer to the kitchens. Was this the Hufflepuffs? She quickly dismissed that thought once she saw the a of parchment with the words "Hogwarts Nightclub This Way!" written in the unmistakable scrawl of James Potter.  
She now ran along the corridor.  
Outside the kitchens many first years were standing around in fancy clothing. Standing directly outside the entrance was an annoyed looking Peter Pettigrew. When she approached Peter said "Hey Lily. Didn't think this'd be your scene but go on in. James'll be thrilled!"  
He stood aside to let her in.  
Half way through the door she turned her head to look at Peter "Are you the bouncer?" she asked unable to hide the amused look from her face.  
"Yep" he answered. He clearly wasn't pleased about this arrangement.  
Inside, about a hundred teenagers were partying wildly. She scanned the crowd and was shocked to find many familiar faces, obviously under the impression that Lily wasn't going to find out about this.  
"Shut up!" she shouted in the direction of the DJ. The music didn't stop so she walked over and screamed at him. He brought his head up to argue but then he saw who he was dealing with and the music stopped immediately. The DJ was the one and only James Potter.  
"James Potter!" she screamed "And every single one if the rest of you! Follow me to Dumbledores office NOW! If you try and escape I will personally have you expelled!"  
Nobody cared to get into an argument with Lily Evans so 100 teenagers in fancy clothes followed her in single file. Lily didn't trust James so personally pulled him by the hand, which he enjoyed. The strange procession climbed the staircases and walked along the corridors in silence. When they got to the stone gargoyle, Lily said the password (Chocolate Frog).  
"What kind of a pass-" began a Ravenclaw 5th year. The glare she received from Lily was enough.  
Lily gestured for them to go into the office in front of her so they couldn't escape. They grudgingly obeyed.  
She pursed her lips and glared at them as they passed her.  
She parted the crowd squished in to the study once everyone else had gone through, so that she could face Dumbledore. He placed his fingers together on the desk and surveyed the teenagers before him over his half-moon glasses. A smirk played on his lips and there was a twinkle in his eyes.  
"James Potter and Sirius Black?"  
Lily nodded her head.

A/N: Hope you guys like it!  
Also I forgot to mention in the first chapter, the title of this story comes from my amazing/talented/hot friend WeasleysGroupie

Please take 10 seconds to review!


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